Be very watchful, be loving, and if sometimes sex happens as part of love, then there is nothing to be worried about. But it shouldn’t be the focus. The focus should be love. You love a person, you share his being, you share your being with him, and you share the space. That is exactly what love is: to create a space between two persons, space which belongs to neither or belongs to both – a small space between two persons where they both meet and mingle and merge. That space has nothing to do with physical space. It is simply spiritual. In that space, you are not you and the other is not the other. You both come into that space and you meet. That is what love is. If it grows, then that common space becomes bigger and bigger and bigger and then both the partners are dissolved into it.
So sometimes if you share space with somebody, a husband or friend or anybody, and sex happens as a spontaneous phenomenon, not something brooded upon, not something sought after, not something that you were planning then it is not sexual. There is a sort of sex which is not sexual at all. Sex can be beautiful but sexuality can never be beautiful. By “sexuality” I mean cerebral sex – thinking about it, planning it, managing, manipulating and doing many things, but the basic thing remains deep down in the mind that one is approaching a sex object. When you look to a person through the eyes of this kind of sexuality, you reduce the other to an object.
The other is no longer a person, and the whole game is only of manipulation. You are going to land in bed sooner or later. It depends how much you play with the idea and how much both of you prolong the foreplay. But if in the mind the end is just sex, then it is the sexuality I am talking about. When the mind has nothing to do with sex, then it is pure, innocent sex. It is virgin sex. That sex can sometimes be even purer than celibacy, because if a celibate continuously thinks of sex, then it is not celibacy. When a person moves in a deep love relationship with somebody, not thinking about sex and it happens because you share so totally that sex also comes in, and then it is okay and nothing to worry about. Don’t create guilt about it.
